I keep coming back to the words

Like they are someone else’s

His

Like they are not words

But arms

Pulling me out of this lonely place

Inside my head

 

But they are mine

Rattling around inside me

Words jagged

With sharp edges

I can play with jagged words

The rest

I’m not sure

 

I keep looking at myself

Trying to remember

How a different set of eyes

Made me feel

Almost–– beautiful

I keep looking for the girl

Who used to smile quietly to herself

For no reason

But of course, there was a reason

There always was with him

 

The little bruise on my neck

Left by lips––

That opened up my world

Softly, like an invitation

Lips that I crave to taste just

one

more

time

––It fades

And I feel the memory of his warmth

Fading with it

I don’t want him to leave my skin

 

I was never ashamed of that mark

It was an honor to wear

It was a privilege

 

I keep coming back to the words

Hoping they’ll paint

A different ending

But truth never protects the kind

And its impossible to play make-believe

Alone in a hospital room

 

The words are mine

And they are breaking

But still, it was a privilege

I am lucky to have loved him

Even if I only told him once

 

I can’t build castles

With broken glass

But I will never forget how it felt

Looking in a window cloaked by night

Seeing our faces reflected

His chin resting on my hair

I will never forget how it felt

To have no words